As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me. The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten “the Book,” since I had so many in my… Continue reading The Book
Category: Humor
Things You’ll Never Hear In A Western Movie
“I reckon I’ll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!” “Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let’s draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution.” “Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys room.” “Let’s see… hardtack and pemmican…… Continue reading Things You’ll Never Hear In A Western Movie
Close Shave
Gildersleeves enters Floyd’s barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, Gildersleeves mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. “I have just the thing,” says Floyd the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. “Just place this between your cheek and gum.”
Baby of the Future
Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild’s birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers.
Jogging
It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
The Clean Windshield Scam.
Warning! The Clean Windshield Scam. This new scam is being pulled mainly on middle age, and older men. What happens is when you stop for a red light a young, pretty nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals… Continue reading The Clean Windshield Scam.
Life’s Plan
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life?” “Yes,” said her friend, “My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to… Continue reading Life’s Plan
Gods Exersize Plan
And God populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super… Continue reading Gods Exersize Plan
Twenty major events that have occurred since the Chicago Cubs last Won a World Series
Radio was invented; Cubs fans got to hear their team lose. TV was invented; Cubs fans got to see their team lose. Baseball added 14 teams; Cubs fans get to see and hear their team lose to more clubs. George Burns celebrated his 10th, 20th, 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th, 80th, 90th and 100th birthdays.… Continue reading Twenty major events that have occurred since the Chicago Cubs last Won a World Series
The Tell-Tale Clock
The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the… Continue reading The Tell-Tale Clock