The Book

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As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me.

The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten “the Book,” since I had so many in my room.

One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a carrier. A student stopped me and asked, “Where are you taking the Book?”

Excerpts from a Cat Diary

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DAY 752 –

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 –

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 –

Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

A three-panel comic illustrating a cat named Felix’s seasonal journey. In autumn, Felix, the "local" black cat, is seen on New York steps. In winter, Felix lies comfortably on a couch beside affectionate neighbors who love him. In spring, a woman in Florida wonders if Felix hunts wild oats. Felix, carrying a cat carrier, travels from Florida to New York. Two older people say they travel every winter to Florida with him.

Felix the Cat

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My aunt’s neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.

One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he’s been out sowing his wild oats.

Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt’s friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street.

A cartoon scene in a deli. A talking duck dressed as a drywall contractor, holding blueprints, stands at the counter. The duck asks the clerk, "What the heck do they want with a dry wall contractor?" The clerk looks confused and holds a pencil. A sign advertising "Deli Deals: Root Beer & Sandwich - A TALKING DUCK?!" is visible. Another sign shows an old circus poster with the words "Clerk Food Old Entire." The scene humorously combines a talking duck and drywall contracting.

Tallented Duck

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A duck walks into a deli and orders a root beer and a sandwich.

The clerk looks at him and says, “But you’re a duck.”

“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.

“And you talk!” exclaims the clerk.

“I see your ears are working,” says the duck, “Now can I have my root beer and my sandwich, please?”

“Certainly,” says the clerk, “sorry about that, it’s just we don’t get many ducks in this deli. What are you doing round this way?”

“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck.

So the duck drinks his root beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the counter clerk tells him about the incredible talking duck.