Humor – Heltsley Home Page

A cozy living room featuring a wooden table holding two large books titled "THE FOOTBALL SEASON" and "RECIPES FOR LIFE," a small ceramic cup, and a smoking pipe. A comfortable red and beige knit blanket is draped over a chair. In the background, a flat-screen TV displays a football game in progress. The room is warmly lit by natural light through a window, and there is a framed quirky poster on the wall with a whisk and knife, labeled "A WIN TIME SHOW."

On the Sidelines

By keith August 5, 2026HumorNo Comments

A wife was sitting on the living-room couch watching her favorite show on the Food Network when her husband walked in. "Why do you watch those food shows?" he asked.…

Three adults seated at a round table in a formal restaurant setting. Two people, a man and a woman on the left, appear engaged in conversation, the man gesturing with his hands. The third person, an older man sitting opposite them, looks serious and slightly surprised. A speech bubble with an exclamation mark points to him, indicating he is reacting to the conversation. The table is set with wine glasses, plates, and a lit candle between them.

Secret Message

By keith July 29, 2026HumorNo Comments

My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael started telling a story I was sure he’d already shared, I gave him a kick under the table.

There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on.

Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, “Oh, but I’ve told you this one before, haven’t I?”

We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message.

A confident woman dressed in business attire standing and leaning against a desk in a busy office. She holds a rolled-up document labeled "STATE CAPITOL" and has a slight smile. Around her, several colleagues are present: a man in a blue shirt taking notes, another man in a checkered shirt laughing and gesturing, and others working at computers or conversing in the background. The office has desks, computers, files, and a water cooler.

The Capitol of Blondes

By keith July 16, 2026HumorNo Comments

Goldie, a blonde office worker just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, Tony started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

“I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do…

Humorously illustrating "Corporate Talk: Decoding What They Actually Mean." It shows a man holding a large key to a computer screen listing corporate jargon like "Fast-paced," "Dynamic team," and "Immediate opening." Arrows point to icons symbolizing their real meanings, such as question marks or speech bubbles. In the background, two office workers repeat "No time to train you," emphasizing the unspoken truths behind common corporate phrases. The scene pokes fun at confusing job ad language.

Corporate Talk: 15 Recruitment Buzzwords (and Their Real Meanings)

By keith July 9, 2026HumorNo Comments

What the Ads Say, and What They Really Mean.

Helping you figure out those slick and glossy sales pitches from Head-Hunters and recruiters. Here are what they actually mean.

Answers to Test Questions Compiled by Music Teachers

By keith November 16, 2020HumorNo Comments

From the Missouri School Music Newsletter, these are answers to test questions compiled by music teachers. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music. A refrain in…

How To Know You’re Ready For Parenthood

By keith March 31, 2019Contributors, Humor

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, [...]

Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids

By keith March 27, 2019Contributors, Humor

It doesn’t take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter. Dogs cannot lie. Dogs never resist nap time. You don’t need to get extra phone lines for a dog. Dogs don’t pester you about getting a kid. Dogs don’t care if the peas have been touched by the mashed [...]

Women’s Profound Sayings

By keith March 24, 2019Contributors, Humor

- Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. - One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs. - The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. - The nice [...]

Truthful Sayings from Grandpa

By keith March 20, 2019Contributors, Humor

Wisdom from Grandpa… - Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries. - Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin’ his salt, that he forgets his sugar. - Too many couples marry for better, or [...]

10 Things a Mother Doesn’t Want to Hear

By keith March 17, 2019Contributors, Humor

1. I swallowed a goldfish. 2. Your lipstick works better than crayons. 3. Does grape juice leave a stain? 4. The principal called… 5. But DAD says that word all the time. 6. What’s it cost to fix a window? 7. Has anyone seen my earthworms? 8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy? 9. [...]