It doesn’t take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter. Dogs cannot lie. Dogs never resist nap time. You don’t need to get extra phone lines for a dog. Dogs don’t pester you about getting a kid. Dogs don’t care if the peas have been touched by the mashed […]
Tag: One Liner
Women’s Profound Sayings
– Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. – One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs. – The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. – The nice […]
Truthful Sayings from Grandpa
Wisdom from Grandpa… – Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries. – Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin’ his salt, that he forgets his sugar. – Too many couples marry for better, or […]
10 Things a Mother Doesn’t Want to Hear
1. I swallowed a goldfish. 2. Your lipstick works better than crayons. 3. Does grape juice leave a stain? 4. The principal called… 5. But DAD says that word all the time. 6. What’s it cost to fix a window? 7. Has anyone seen my earthworms? 8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy? 9. […]
Things Women Want to Hear, but Never Do
Wow, I just don’t know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don’t you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it. Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us. Oh, go ahead and eat that third […]
Funny Epitaphs
Tombstones are not generally thought of as fonts of light entertainment. But as The New York Times showed, some epitaphs are funnier than others. – He was a simple man who died of complications – He came into the world without my consent and left in the same manner – Stranger, tread this ground with […]