It’s Not Your Father’s Military Anymore

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While the Air Force C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc. Finally, she said, ‘Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan ‘

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, ‘Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?’

When the attendant came by he said ‘Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?’

‘Yes,’! said the attendant, ‘In fact, this entire crew is female.’

Prize Rooster

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John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called “pullets” and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn’t perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer had a favorite old rooster, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But the prize rooster almost didn’t make the cut.

On this particular morning while administering his test, John noticed his latest rooster’s bell hadn’t rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would

On the Sidelines

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A wife was sitting on the living-room couch watching her favorite show on the Food Network when her husband walked in. "Why do you watch those food shows?" he asked.…

Secret Message

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My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told before, I gave him a kick under the table.

There was no response, so I gave him another poke. Still the story went on.

Suddenly he stopped, grinned and said, “Oh, but I’ve told you this one before, haven’t I?”

We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message.

The Capitol of Blondes

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Goldie, a blonde office worker just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, Tony started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

“I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do…

Jumpers Anonymous

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Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly.

Several minutes passed… and he was back to jumping

Hearing Problem

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Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again.”

Felix the Cat

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My aunt’s neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.

One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he’s been out sowing his wild oats.

Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt’s friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street.

SUNDAY SCHOOL Lesson

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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”