I’ve said it many times both in person, and on social medias and I stick by my guns: diversity is not our strengths. Diversity by itself is chaos. Unity is strength.
To be as strong as possible, be as unified as possible. If this means everything is similar then so be it. It doesn’t mean that diversity can’t come together to be strong in unity. It’s why the United States chose it for its motto: E Pluribus Unum.
But this concept doesn’t just apply to nations; unity, or similarity, works even at the basic, individual relationship level.
When searching for that potential special person to settle down and start a household, the common idea is that opposites attract. Two different types of people. Diversity. Is this really a good idea? Injecting the potential for chaos in a lifetime relationship?
Another way to look at diversity, or chaos is that it can be adventuresome. It can be a character-building experience; it adds a certain spice of life.
Opposites attracting is a good thing. Marriage was designed for man and woman to get together. Two physically different types of human beings. One complements the other. Where one is generally physically larger and stronger than the other, and where even the emotional makeup of character is remarkably different, if not exactly opposite. Men tend to be providers and protectors, while women tend to be emotional and nourishing. These are basic differences that should be embraced.
There’s also a concept of being “equally yoked” which describes practical similarities. When going through life together is most useful to share in the work. To have similar ideas, personality traits, desires and expectations.
So which is it? Being extremely similar, or diverse?
As in all things in relationships, it’s complicated, and falls somewhere in the middle. You just have to know what you’re willing to trade off with, and what areas you don’t.
The Case for Similarity
Similarity is good. Liking the same things. Having the same social or political viewpoints. Similar backgrounds. Similar ideas about raising children. Ideas about pets. Ideal work arrangements, as in having a two-income household or a single income household. Matters of religion. Matters surrounding family holidays. Do we stay home for a holiday, or visit parents? These are the kind of areas where being “equally yoked” will make things go smoother.
There is definitely strength in this kind of unified front. Having a friend with similar taste is like that comfortable shirt that feels so good. It’s like a delicious bowl of vanilla ice cream.
The thing is, nobody is ever totally equally matched. Sometimes it’s nice to mix up the wardrobe. Sometimes it’s nice to add a splash of extra flavor to that vanilla ice cream.
The Growth in Chaos
Diversity also means character building and adventure. It’s not always an easy road. There are plenty of bumps, and different ideas in the plan. Different ideas in how to carry things out. Clashes over caring for the kids. Clashes over what to have for supper. Clashes over any number of things. Are the arguments worth it? It depends.
Working through the diversity is like two rough stones tumbling together and rubbing off the rough edges. As you tumble, some of your own rough edges get smoothed off. You begin to see the point of the other person, and maybe begin to understand why they like doing that thing that bothers you. Maybe you’ll understand why that thing you enjoy doing bothers the other person. As the two rough stones in this diverse relationship tumble together, over time they find they might end up with the polished gloss. Rubbing off those hard held ideas, and filling in weak areas you didn’t know existed.
The Forgotten Can Opener
Diversity also means adventure. That camping trip that was well planned, Remembering to plan for everything, for all possible weather conditions, plenty of food for the week, but you forgot one thing. A can opener. One small point of chaos makes the trip one for a lifetime of memories. Whatever else happened that week, is entirely forgotten, only this one small point of chaos. The aggravation, the frustration and any arguments turn into a fun and memorable family event.
Similarity is the easier road, and can build strong bonds. It develops that comfortable sweet spot that you can return to as a safe haven. When that comfortable life gets a little boring, just throw a little chaos into it for the spice of life.
Enjoy some mood music.
