Warning! The Clean Windshield Scam.
This new scam is being pulled mainly on middle age, and older men. What happens is when you stop for a red light a young, pretty nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield.
While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.
They are very good at this!
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
One asked the other, “You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life?”
“Yes,” said her friend, “My first marriage was to a millionaire;
my second marriage was to an actor;
my third marriage was to a preacher;
and now I’m married to an undertaker.”
Her friend asked,
And God populated the Earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald’s. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size them”. And Man gained pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt. And woman gained pounds.
And God said “Try my crispy fresh salad.”
And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits and shredded cheese.
And there was ice cream for dessert. And Woman gained pounds.
And God said “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them.”
As a service to young, and expecting parents everywhere, I offer these few points of information.
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight.
Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.
Quickly, I realized she’d probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o’clock. She didn’t seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I thought!
I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver’s permit.
“Oh,” she said, “I already know everything in the book.”
“You do?” I returned.
“Yep”, she said, very smugly.
I thought, “OK, we’ll just see about that. I’ll give her a hard one.”
So I asked her
Two old guys, Alvin and Jesse, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
Alvin says to Jesse, “Sorry about that. I didn’t notice you there. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
To which Jesse says, “That’s OK, it must be a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
Alvin says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”
Jesse says, “Well, she is
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned… couldn’t concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.
Then I tried to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.
I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become