How To Know You’re Ready For Parenthood

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, [...]

Why Dogs Are Better Than Kids

It doesn’t take 45 minutes to get a dog ready to go outside in the winter. Dogs cannot lie. Dogs never resist nap time. You don’t need to get extra phone lines for a dog. Dogs don’t pester you about getting a kid. Dogs don’t care if the peas have been touched by the mashed [...]

Women’s Profound Sayings

- Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. - One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs. - The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes. - The nice [...]

Truthful Sayings from Grandpa

Wisdom from Grandpa… - Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries. - Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin’ his salt, that he forgets his sugar. - Too many couples marry for better, or [...]

10 Things a Mother Doesn’t Want to Hear

1. I swallowed a goldfish. 2. Your lipstick works better than crayons. 3. Does grape juice leave a stain? 4. The principal called… 5. But DAD says that word all the time. 6. What’s it cost to fix a window? 7. Has anyone seen my earthworms? 8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy? 9. [...]