“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other is wings.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When it comes to learning, the most common thought probably goes to those good old days in school. Studying textbooks to sharpen your skills in math, history, or English composition. But there’s more to learning than what comes from books.
The real learning begins once you close the door on academics that you learned in school.
It’s time to start applying all those concepts you learned in math class. Fortunately, for most people the needs are very basic. Doing simple addition and subtraction to keep track of a checkbook for example. Forget those complexities of multiplying and dividing fractions. Unless you have chosen an occupation like a baker, where you may need to increase or decrease your recipes to serve the size of your clientele.
Reading and writing are lifetime skills. Whether you ever read a novel again, there are signs to read. Contracts to read, menus to read, countless things. There are job applications to fill out. Checklists to make. Reports to make. All manner of things to jot down as reminders.
Even if you think you’re not learning, you are. Even if you think you don’t have an occupation or career, because maybe you are a stay-at-home parent, raising children might be the biggest area of lifetime learning. Even if you do have a career, children aren’t just a part-time job, they are a lifetime area of learning.
Babies are great. They also represent a great demand on your time. You have to give up a lot of who you are, and what you want to do. But this period of life doesn’t last all that long, and soon you begin to reclaim some of that. At this early stage they rely 100% on parents to do everything for them. Feed them, clothe them, bathe them, take them from place to place. Even within the same room. Babies develop quickly, and are soon on the move.
Next come the fun and hectic times, once you teach them how to walk and talk. How to properly dress themselves. How to eat without being a mess. (Of course, some adults still haven’t mastered this one. I speak for myself.) You teach them the basics of social etiquette as well as preparing them to launch into their own school career. As the child develops, the demands become greater in that you are no longer in control of how they get around and where they go to. On the other hand, they become more independent and don’t require your attention 100% of the time. They can actually begin helping and making your day easier.
Here is probably the hardest thing when it comes to raising children.
For the first 8 to 10 years, you are their idol who provides everything they need. You are their ultimate authority, and what you say goes. You have been there for all that development from infant to childhood.
Then it happens.
The next 8 to 10 years are spent maturing from childhood to adulthood. They transition from developing physically to developing their independence. They start to pull away from you, and suddenly parents are embarrassing, and just plain uncool. It’s time for the parent to learn how to let go. Time to let your child make their own decisions, and be responsible for them. It lets them know you trust them.
That growing sense of independence in the young adult should be developed. It doesn’t mean supervision isn’t required, or guardrails should not be in place. The parent has to learn that your child doesn’t need you so much anymore. You have to learn how to launch this newly minted adult into the world on the path that suits them.
For them, that path in life after their formal education will begin their own lifetime of learning. While their lifetime of learning begins, you will know that you had a hand in it. But it doesn’t mean your lifetime of learning has ended. Now that you’ve reached an empty nest, watch out for the grandkids.
now for a little mood music, based on this entry:
