A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.
So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Here is a little
test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the
following
question:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the
corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises
the knife, and charges at you.
You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and
you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and
your family. What do you do?
THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN keep reading:
Activists Missing After Declaring “War on Leather” at Motorcycle Rally
Johnstown, PA (Glossy News) – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several fast-food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.
“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. “Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”
The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, “growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.”
Wal-Mart announced that, later this year , it will begin offering customers a new discount item – Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2 – $5 range.
Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but “there is a market for inexpensive wine,” said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at the University of Arkansas.
“But the right name is important.”
Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand.
The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:
10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trash Findel
8. Big Red Gulp
A duck walks into a deli and orders a root beer and a sandwich.
The clerk looks at him and says, “But you’re a duck.”
“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.
“And you talk!” exclaims the clerk.
“I see your ears are working,” says the duck, “Now can I have my root beer and my sandwich, please?”
“Certainly,” says the clerk, “sorry about that, it’s just we don’t get many ducks in this deli. What are you doing round this way?”
“I’m working on the building site across the road,” explains the duck.
So the duck drinks his root beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the counter clerk tells him about the incredible talking duck.
Reposted from: 2010-03-26 08:21:07
This geneology was originally found at:
http://bgwilliams.tripod.com/heltsley.htm
I’ve made a few modifications and updates to it. Mostly changes that expand the branch of Jesse Albert Heltsley. More could be made, but I chose not to go to the 8th and 9th levels. Acctually there are probably as many as 10 and 11 levels now. If any information is inaccurate, or can be filled out with more detail, let me know so I can take care of it. Thanks to Linda Sue Clark-Brown who did all the hard work of putting all this together.
Note: names indicated with