Work History

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My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned… couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it, mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

Then I tried to be a chef. I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become

Haunted House Report

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On the outskirts of town there is a spooky old house, avoided by all the townfolk. There is said to be a cantankerous old ghost which lives there, and is feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains and making all the ghoulish screams it could muster. The reporter told the ghost “I mean you no harm – I just want your photograph”. The ghost was