The Book

As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me.

The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten “the Book,” since I had so many in my room.

One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a carrier. A student stopped me and asked, “Where are you taking the Book?”

Excerpts from a Cat Diary

DAY 752 –

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 –

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 762 –

Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

Felix the Cat

My aunt’s neighbor in New York had a beautiful black cat, named Felix, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.

One cool October evening, he disappeared. The neighbor searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, Felix reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he’s been out sowing his wild oats.

Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when Felix disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, my aunt’s friend began asking neighbors for clues. Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street.