The Idiot’s Guide to Internet Success!

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Yes, you too, can be the next Internet Millionaire. Here’s how! Let’s begin

Q: How long will it take me to get insanely rich?

A: Depends on you. Probably two weeks. Some people take as long as a month.

Q: Does it take hard work or long hours to get insanely rich?

A: No. This is the Internet.

Q: Can just anybody get insanely rich?

A: Yes. This is the Internet.

Q: How do I proceed?

A: As you’re surfing around the net you’ll see banners and links that say things like “Make Fourteen Million Dollars in Ninety Days, Click Here to See How!” Simply click the link to get started.

Q: It won’t really take ninety days though, will it?

Dead Men Read No Mail

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A sad saga of our life and times.

My father died on Jan 02, 1995. He left no forwarding
address.

Therefore, it fell to me to collect his mail. I didn’t expect much, really, since my sisters and I had been careful to notify his bank, insurance agent, and a host of other businesses that one of their customers was no more.

You would think a death notice would cut down on the amount of correspondence from those firms. Quite the contrary. Instead — for months, mind you — my deceased father continued to receive mail from companies that had been told of his passing but pressed on, determined to contact him anyway.

The first to hope for a reply from beyond the grave was my father’s bank.

Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records indicate payment is due for overdraft protection
on your checking account. Efforts to contact you have proven
unsuccessful. Therefore, we are automatically withdrawing
your monthly $28.00 service charge from your account. Please
adjust your records accordingly.

Sincerely,
The Phoenix Branch

Dear Phoenix Branch,