What the Ads Say, and What They Really Mean.
Helping you figure out those slick and glossy sales pitches from Head-Hunters and recruiters. Here are what they actually mean.
- “JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”
- We have no time to train you; you’ll have to introduce yourself to your co-workers.
- “IMMEDIATE OPENING”
- The person who used to have this job gave notice a month ago. We’re just now running the ad.
- “PENSION/RETIREMENT BENEFITS”
- After 3 years, we’ll allow you to fund your own 401(k) and, if you behave, we’ll give you a 5 percent matching contribution.
- “COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT”
- We have a lot of turnovers.
- “EXCITING AND PROFESSIONAL WORK ENVIRONMENT”
- Guys in grey suits will bore you with tales of squash and their weekends on yachts.
- “JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM”
- We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.
- “MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED”
- You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
- “FLEXIBLE HOURS”
- Work 40 hours; get paid for 25.
- “DUTIES WILL VARY”
- Anyone in the office can boss you around.
- “MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
- We have no quality control. .
- “SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
- You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
- “PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
- You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
- “REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
- You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
- “GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
- Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
- “ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD”
- You whine, you’re fired.
